


Closer to Perfect

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel, Buried Alive, Castiel (Supernatural) Lives, Coming Untouched, Communicating with touch, Depressed Dean, Drinking, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Happy Ending, Human Castiel, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, No self-care, Post-Season/Series 12, Resurrection, Sam Knows, Sam Walks In, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Shower Sex, Single Parents, Step-Parent Dean, Top Dean, Worried Sam, caregiver sam, reunited, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 15:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11970690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: After the events of the Season 12 finale Dean is in a deep state of depression. Castiel rises from the grave as a human. Things finally start looking up for the Winchesters.





	Closer to Perfect

“Dean? Brought you some food.” Sam called out to the closed bedroom door. He tried the knob and found it unlocked. “Dean?”

 

His older brother was passed out again. The last of his whiskey on the floor amidst broken glass. Dean was on the floor beside it surrounded by photographs. Sam hadn’t seen him like this since...since Charlie.

 

He set down the bag of greasy fast food and pulled the dead weight from the floor to the bed. He was already out of his boots and socks. Sam went for a blanket to cover him when he stirred.

 

“Wha- wan, Sa?” He mumbled. He grimaced at the sharp pain in his head.

 

“Thought you should try to eat something.”

 

“Prolly puke anyway.”

 

“Dean, you can’t keep doing this. I can’t raise Jack by myself. I need you.”

 

“Well excuse the fuck out of me for not wanting anything to do with the little hellspawn that lost us Mom and got Cas killed.” He rolled his back to Sam.

 

“You’re not the only one who lost them.”

 

“So you think you know exactly how I feel?”

 

Sam huffed a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah. I do. I watched the woman I love get brutally murdered and burn on a ceiling. So I know exactly how you felt when Cas was murdered.”

Dean stayed silent but let the stinging tears fall. He relieved that horror in his nightmares as well as his lucid hours.

 

“You think I’m okay?” Sam continued. “For the second time in my life I had to stand over the lifeless body of my brother. Had to clean him up and bury his body. I loved him, too.”

 

“Not like this, Sammy.” Dean managed to say. It was the closest he’d come to admitting his true feelings to his brother.

 

“You watched the love of your life die. You’re entitled to grief, Dean. But he left us with a kid. An  _ innocent _ kid. He never asked to be born. He never asked for Lucifer to be his father. You know who he did ask for? Cas. He chose Cas to be his dad and you’re all he has left of him.” 

 

Sam watched for any kind of reaction. “I can keep playing Uncle Sammy but I never raised a kid before.”

 

“I don’t think I can do this.”

 

“Yes you can. You didn’t know it at the time but I had evil inside me, demon blood. I was destined to be the ruler of hell. You gave me as normal a life as possible. Because of you I was strong enough to resist Lucifer, to defeat him. I was strong enough to survive being in the Pit with him.”

 

Dean finally rolled back over. “I need more time.”

 

“And a shower.” Sam gave his shoulder a push. “You’re pretty ripe.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Like you’re a real peach.”

 

Sam left the room feeling a little less worried he’d find a cold body the next morning.

 

***

 

Cas opened his eyes to darkness. He gasped for breath.  _ I need air. I’m… _ ”human.” He searched his pockets. There was a small flashlight and his lock picking kit Dean had given him. He held the flashlight in his mouth and selected the tools he thought he would need to scrape the wood away from the nails. If he could break one board…

 

It took time but he was steady and meticulous. He was able to loosen one plank enough to wiggle it free. He sucked in a deep breath before giving it a tug. He heard the snap then felt debris fall on his face. He used the board to dig himself out.

 

He was faint when he breached the surface. It was night. The air was cool. He laid on the damp ground next to his grave and relished the fresh air. It burned his lungs at first but it eventually renewed his strength. He sat up to survey his surrounding. The clearing in the woods looked familiar. 

 

“I’m home,” he said with new resolve. He dusted what he could off his face and clothes and made his way towards the bunker.

 

***

 

Dean still felt like shit after his hot shower. The aspirin barely touched his headache and his body was sore from staying in bed so much. He wiped the condensation off the mirror and was shocked at his reflection.

 

His eyes were bloodshot with deep hollow circles under them. He looked gaunt. He hadn’t really eaten since Cas died. He could see his collar bones. His arms and stomach lost what definition they’d had. Maybe he’d get back to the gym eventually.

 

He ran his hand over the grizzly beard on his face. He sighed and reached for the electric shaver. Soon the sink was full of reddish hair, the couple greys he dismissed. The image before him looked a little more like Dean Winchester.

 

His room smelled like a speakeasy. He swept up the broken glass and threw away the intact empty bottles. He changed his bedding and took his dirty laundry down to the laundry room. He was out of energy to load it but it was a start. He owed it to Sam to not make him worry, to not be like John and leave him to raise a kid alone while he stewed in grief and booze.

 

He trudged back to his room and crashed on top of the covers. The now cold bag of food was still sitting on his nightstand. He nibbled on a few limp fries before tossing it in the trash. He couldn't taste anything anyway. He stared at the ceiling until sleep took him.

 

***

 

“Hello Dean,” a gruff voice called out. Dean’s eyes fluttered open.  _ Great. Now I’m hallucinating from detox. _

 

“You’re not real.”

 

What appeared to be Cas tilted his head in confusion. “I can assure you that I am very much corporeal. And...human.”

 

He stood in place as Dean carefully approached him. A trembling hand reached out and rested on his chest. His heart pounded against it. Dean’s hands went up to inspect more of his body before cradling his face.

 

“Cas…” he whispered. His lips found Castiel’s before he could convince himself not to. His chest ached as the chaste kiss deepened to something more desperate. And Cas was kissing him back! He felt arms wrap around him.

 

They broke apart to pant for breath. “You’re real.”

 

“I’m home, Dean.”

 

“Home,” he repeated before he leaned in for another kiss. He was screaming inside how much he loved him, needed him, missed him. But he communicated better with touch.

 

Dean loosened his grip on the lapels of the dirty trench coat. His hands slid up under it at Cas’ shoulders and he eased it back to let it drop to the floor. They kept their intimate gaze as Dean slid Cas’ tie free, letting it join the tan coat on the floor.

 

Cas reached up to undo the buttons on his own white dress shirt. His skin was flush. He knew what was going to happen. Dean removed his black tee in response. They came together, bare chest to bare chest. Cas traced his fingers over the noticeable lines of Dean’s collar bones before kissing them.

 

Dean walked them back to the bed, pushing Cas to a seated position. He carefully untied his shoes and removed them along with Cas’ socks, never breaking eye contact. Cas leaned back to allow Dean to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He lay there in plain white boxers, already tenting from his half hard erection.

 

Dean eased on top of him, pausing to just take in the sight of Cas looking up at him, wanting him. He never thought this moment would come to fruition. He leaned his cheek into Castiel’s warm palm.

 

He rocked his hips slowly, creating heat and friction at their groins. Cas brought his legs up and ran his hands up and down Dean’s back. The kisses were full and wet. The only sound in the room was soft moaning as they both gave in to the desire between them.

 

Cas felt Dean’s hand run down his flank and rest on his hip. Fingers slid under the waistband of his boxers so he lifted up to let Dean push them down. He kicked them free and mimicked Dean’s motions so they were both fully nude on the bed.

 

He’d never felt another man’s hardness against him before. It was amazing to him to know he was the reason for Dean’s arousal. For years he felt the pangs of jealousy when he knew Dean had fallen into a stranger’s arms instead of his for comfort and release. Tonight he sought his comfort in Dean.

 

“Cas, can I-?”

 

“Of course, Dean. I want you to.”

 

Dean reached to his nightstand and fumbled around until his hand closed over what he sought. He raised up on his knees and clicked the cap open on the purple bottle. Cas flinched at the cold sensation between his legs but Dean continued kissing him as he felt his hole and perineum massaged.

 

It was strange at first, being touched there. Dean was slow and careful not to hurt him as he worked his way past the tight rim of muscle. Cas fell pliant to his touch, allowing him deeper. Dean continued stretching him at a gentle pace, watching for any signs of distress. Cas was eager and responsive so he knew he was enjoying it.

 

Dean withdrew his fingers and reached in the drawer again. He’d never gone bareback in his entire sexual history. It was instinct to roll on a condom before he added more lube and lined himself up.

 

It was painful at first. Castiel was a virgin in this manner. He’d only fantasized about making love with Dean. But his lover was tender, taking his time as Cas adjusted to being full for the first time. He settled his weight on Cas and just laid there, mesmerized that this was happening.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Cas. So perfect. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to be with you like this.” Dean stroked his dark hair and pecked his lips. “I love you, Angel.”

 

Cas felt a hard lump in his throat. “I love you too, Dean. With all my heart.”

 

It started slow. Dean withdrew himself just a bit before sinking back in. Cas was so hot and tight around him. He kept going, gradually increasing the length of his thrusts and his rhythm. Cas held him close, meeting each motion with his hips. Sometimes Dean would graze a spot inside him that sent electric waves up his spine. His own hard member started to throb and his balls ached. He needed to find release.

 

He wanted to touch himself, provide just enough pressure to push himself over the edge. But Dean hitched one of his legs higher and that spot was hit repeatedly. His pulse drummed in his ears. His eyes rolled back in his head as pleasure shook his very core. He felt himself spill between their stomachs.

 

“Oh, Cas!” Dean cried out as his hips stuttered to a stop. He collapsed onto Castiel. “That was amazing.”

 

Cas couldn't help his wide smile of bliss. “It was, Dean.”

 

Dean slipped out and removed the full condom. It hit the fast food sack in the trash. “You okay? That was your first time, right? With a guy?”

 

“Yes, Dean. There is only one man I ever wanted to lay with and it was you.”

 

“You’re kind of it for me, too.” He realized he’d spoken his long concealed words earlier. “I meant it. What I said.”

 

“I did as well. I tried to tell you in the barn but everyone was there…”

 

“No, Cas. I knew the first one was for me. I just didn't want to say it like that. Like you’d think it was because you were dying. When you did...I’ve regretted not saying it ever since.”

 

“But now you have and that’s all that matters. I don’t know how I came back but I know why. I am meant to be with you. Not even death can sever our bond.”

 

“Well, just don’t go dying on me anymore. It broke me, Cas. If Sam hadn’t come in here and chewed my ass earlier...you might not have liked what you came home to.”

 

Cas’ face fell. “Dean...what did you do?”

 

Dean turned his face away in shame. “Took a page out of John Winchester’s playbook. Almost drank myself to death. I couldn't face a world without you in it. Lucifer’s on the flipside. Didn’t have anyone to gank to avenge you.”

 

“What did Sam say to get through to you?”

 

“He said he needed help with Jack and that because I raised him to be a good man I could do it for the kid too. And he said Jack was my last connection to you. So I’m gonna give him a chance.”

 

Cas stroked Dean’s arm. “I’m grateful for Sam.” He took the tissues Dean offered to clean himself up. “You don’t have to tell him about this.”

 

“Am I gonna tell him all the graphic details? No. But if this means we’re together, we’ll tell him. He already knows how I feel about you.”

 

“You’d be alright presenting ourselves as a couple? Openly?”

 

Dean frowned. “Yeah? Why? People have thought I’m gay since I was a ‘pretty’ teenager. I mean, when they assumed I was with Sam it creeped me out because we’re brothers.”

 

“Oh. I’ve been accustomed to your posturing…” Cas trailed off.

 

“Just some leftover bullshit from my Dad. Had to carry myself like a soldier, like a hunter. Took me a long time to realize I wasn’t... _ hard _ like him. I got a big heart. And I can be a big softie and still be a tough guy. I can have a boyfriend and still be a badass hunter the fuglies run from.”

 

Cas curled into Dean and kissed his neck. “For the record I would never be ashamed to present myself as your mate. But I would be willing to be more reserved if you weren’t comfortable.”

 

Dean hugged him tighter to him. “We’ll just be us and who gives a shit what other people think? Some asshole bigot gets in our face we will shut that shit down.”

 

“I’m afraid I can no longer smite them.” Cas cracked a smile at Dean. Dean laughed in return. They settled under the covers and Dean had a dreamless sleep for once.

 

***

 

Dean woke up and checked the time on his watch. Cas was sleeping on his side turned away from him. Dean scooted closer and kissed his shoulder. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

 

Cas grumbled and yawned. He turned over and smiled. “Hello Dean.”

 

“Last night was real. You’re still here.” Dean lovingly stroked his face and kissed his cheek.

 

Cas kissed Dean’s hand. “Of course.”

 

“Whadya say we take care of nature and morning breath and stay in bed all day?”

 

“I think we’ll also require some form of nourishment.”

 

“Fuck. Okay. Bathroom first, then kitchen, then bed.”

 

“Good plan.”

 

The bedroom door opened before they had a chance to get up. At least the blanket was still over them.

 

Sam dropped the bottle of juice he was carrying. “Cas?” His jaw fell open and all he could do was stare.

 

“It’s really me, Sam.”

 

The big man was across the room in two long strides. He pounced on the bed and hugged the naked man tight. “Oh my god! You’re back!” He continued squeezing as he cried happy tears.

 

“Umm...Sam? Can we maybe do the dance of joy when we have pants on?” Dean interjected.

 

“Oh. Oh! Sorry!” He scrambled off the bed and blushed with embarrassment. He was so overwhelmed by the sight of Cas’ face that he didn’t process the full scene before him. “Right. You do the pants thing and I’ll...I’ll go make Jack some breakfast.” He ducked his head and left the room.

 

“So much for staying in bed,” Dean groused.

 

“We could still take a shower,” Cas suggested. He’d seen a few pornographic scenes involving showers.

 

Dean grinned. “You’re on.” He grabbed his sleep shorts off the floor and dug through his dresser for a pair for Cas. They raced down the hall laughing, a sound Sam never thought he’d hear again.

 

Jack sat patiently in the kitchen, waiting for Sam. “Was that...laughter? Is Dean feeling better?”

 

“Oh Dean’s feeling pretty awesome.” He got out some pancake mix. “Your Dad came back last night.”

 

Jack lit up. “Castiel? He’s returned?”

 

“Yep. And it looks like he and Dean are together. Like... _ together.” _

 

“I see. Hopefully my father will help him see me in a better light.”

 

Sam put a reassuring hand on Jack’s shoulder. “He will. He agreed last night to step up and help me co-parent you. Now that he’s with Cas he’s kinda like your step-dad, and family means everything to Dean. He just needed to make that connection.”

 

“Thank you, Uncle Sam.”

 

“You’re welcome, kid.”

 

***

 

Dean and Cas were still playful while they brushed their teeth, giggling and bumping shoulders. “Now I can start the day right,” Dean said before pulling Cas close and giving him a deep kiss.

 

“Mmm...this is a good start,” Cas agreed. They shimmied out of their sleep pants and Dean started the shower.

 

They took turns under the hot water, barely breaking from their heavy make out session. Dean poured some shower gel in their hands and they roamed all over each other, washing and groping. They were both noticeably aroused.

 

“Now, the thing about shower sex is...it’s complicated. We’re talking athletic skills we currently don’t possess. But, shower masturbation I know a thing or two about so I think if we modify that…” Dean smirked and winked.

 

He put a little more gel in his palm and took Cas in his hand. He gave him a few strokes before adding his own dick to the mix. Cas dropped his hand to help grip them both. They thrusted into their fists, grunting and moaning. 

 

Cas came first, gripping Dean’s shoulder when his knees buckled. Dean was pushed over the threshold by the sight of Castiel’s ‘O’ face. They both had to steady themselves against the cool shower tiles till the tingling in their legs subsided.

 

“I think I like shower sex,” Cas eventually said.

 

“Just wait till we have car sex,” Dean countered. He couldn't wait to get Cas in the backseat of his Baby. His spent dick twitched at the idea.

 

“I look forward to engaging in many sexual acts with you.”

 

“I think this relationship thing is gonna work out just fine.”

 

***

 

“Father?” Jack rushed to embrace Castiel when he and Dean made their way to the kitchen.

 

“Jack,” Cas said on his exhale. He held the young boy tight to his chest. He’d formed a protective, familial bond with him when he was still in Kelly’s womb. He looked him over, seeing both the features of his brother and of Kelly. He also saw what could pass for a combination of him and Dean, big blue eyes and sandy blond hair.

 

“Hey, um, can I get a minute with Jack?” Dean interrupted. Cas nodded and Jack followed Dean down the hall.

 

“Yes, Dean?”

 

“Look, kid. I need to tell you I’m sorry. I put all my crap on you and you didn’t deserve that. You chose Cas to be your dad and he’s gonna do right by you. Family is important to him just like it is to me and Sam. Now, I’m gonna sorta be your step-dad and I’m not gonna be an asshole about it. Claire? Love her like my own even after a rocky start. Kinda hoping we get there someday too, okay?”

 

Jack smiled and threw his arms around Dean, nearly knocking him over. Dean hesitantly put his arms up and patted his back. “Okay, kid. Okay.”

 

They walked back to the kitchen with Dean’s arm loosely around Jack’s shoulder.

 

“All Good?” Sam asked.

 

Dean smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair. “Yeah, we’re good. Now feed me, Seymour. I’m starving.”

 

Sam passed him a plate of pancakes. “Cas?”

 

“Famished.” He gave Dean a sly look.

 

“Okay then.” Sam made a plate for him as well. “Wait...you don’t eat.”

 

“I’m human, Sam. I eat, sleep, and urinate again.”

 

“At least you’re back, Cas. That’s all that matters. And I’m glad you and Dean finally got your heads out of your asses. You could cut the sexual tension with an angel blade around here.”

 

Dean feigned offense and covered Jack’s ears. “Hey, there’s children present.” 

  
Sam laughed and the others followed suit. It wasn’t perfect but it still felt right. Things finally looked up for the Winchesters.


End file.
